Magic 8 Ball is for Suckas!

That's right, I said it. Don't get me wrong, over the years I've counted on it for some decisions I just couldn't make but was it really helping, or just toying with me in an absurd pun? I've never owned a Magic 8 Ball. Instead I had a rip called The Magic Orb (if I remember correctly). It was prettier, a lovely lavender with the same concrete yet simultaniously vague answers. And that's where my dilemma with the sphere of jumbled predictions comes in. You ask a question and it gives either a 'yes' or 'no', but more often a 'reply hazy' or my favorite to hate 'ask again later'. If Magic 8 Ball and it's clones really wanted to help out they'd offer up info on things we might not know but would be beneficial to us.
Case in point, a few years ago I lived in Canada. I happen to live within walking distance of Second City's Toronto location. At the time I wasn't involved with comedy improv, but I am now and am DYING that I didn't take classes while I lived so conveniently close. You think my little Magic Orb could've helped me out a bit by saying "Hey, you know, Second City is just over on Mercer. Why don't you go try some classes? I think you'd like it." If these arrogant globes of wisdom were so all knowing, they'd know that I'd eventually start doing improv and could've helped lead me in the right direction.
Imagine all the things your Magic whatever circular thing could have helped you out on. Instead of it giving you the 'yes' to go out with Jimmy, it could've said "Yes, go out with Jimmy if you like guys that date mutiple girls for short periods of time. Have fun!" Or "No, don't go on that expensive yet absolutely amazing trip that will change the rest of your life." Sometimes just a yes or no suffices, and sometimes we just need a 'maybe' to get us thinking about things a little more, but man would it be great to just have a wee bit more information.